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majandrel:

Fainting a lot. Little scared. See dr Matt tomorrow. Richard let me make it til then

Get blood tests even as much as he can from one vial. Doc couldnt get mine to come out the last time, usualy takes 5/6 but only managed 1 half one and 2 less than half ones last time and still got my blood sugar, iron, b12, potassium checked in it. 

i wish i could be your fairy n bring you soup and slurpees right now. But i think maybe you should go the hospital if you’re still feeling at all bad. They wont take too much but theyll do it fast and be able to monitor you and look after you properly till they get results. No hospital WANTS to keep people, they like to free up beds so as soon as you are set, they’ll let you go. It might help you stay safe for a bit too. 

Didnt do too well today either, threw up in the bathroom i usually get to hide to people from in our shopping centre(cause its a single bathroom hidden down a lane as apposed to the normal public stalls), but i was there so long there was a queue of 5 people when i got out, and i was still so shakey and blurry i couldnt even say sorry, i just smacked into one of them trying to walk properly. 

Scared myself today tbh. i knew it could very likely kill me and it didnt stop me, then when it felt like it very well might kill me i didnt stop. im glad im in complete denial the last while with hospital threats and death risks (and mainly the shit i’ve done today being so bad i cant think about it, so im switched off) because the treatment cetre just rang and said they have a place for me tomorrow. i cannot process that. i know nothing. Well other than

1 i dont want to go.

2 i almost killed myself today so cant survive this alone.

i dont even feel those two things right now. i feel nothing but tired, sick and fat. But i have to go in tomorrow by 5 oclock. Thats all kinds of horrible so im very glad im in denial right now and  the reality of it escapes me. i go to start a sentence “i can’t go there, all the foo. .” and my brain just shuts off. Nope. “there is no way in heel im leaving Pa. . ” Nope. “im WAYY too fat to even be allo. .” nope. Nothing. Tired, sick, fat.

If your antibiotics are done soon make sure you get some probiotics or your stomach’ll be fucked again and you have enough things screwing it over as it is without this being dragged out longer.  If you can’t manage yogurts or saurkraut or miso i think you could get a light drink. America has everything. 

how can so much go on inside one person?

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